Inspirations that comes from the heart

I do have this intuition about certain things.

I love being inspired, especially by someone that means a lot to me. I don't remember when I started to feel all unfocused and all, but certainly I've grown to make lots of ideas through drawings and words because of it.
This happened about 100years ago when I used to like N, the porn guy, I mean, the arse hole. Every time he would be walking passed me or doing something, I would watch him from afar, and imagining what it would be like to draw the contour of his body. Did couple of sketches, a few comic strips that made fun of him, at the same time, so in luuuurve with him (mind me, I think it was called 'Obsession') and until now, weirdly, I still think I got the hots for him...Not as much as before, but he was worth to look at.

Then comes this other guy, but even though I was totally, madly, crazy about him, somehow, I don't really feel the 'scar' of liking him anymore. I should still have that feeling because I always do!

Now, after a long time waiting, here comes B. He's HOT, **** so well, and looks like he's totally a sweetheart. I'm totally smitten by him...Aaaahhhh.....!
But...(of course there's always a but) I don't know him...Haha. He's in a **** and I fell for him when watching him **** ... On Tv (tsk! Typical of me). I mean, sure anytime I could meet him, if I wanted to. I've added his friend on a friendship website, and asked a couple of questions about B. But yet...It's still different when you don't even know the guy. Weird. I am, that is.
Suddenly, I'm beginning to write lyrics. Yeah, freaking 6 songs in total, 3 in english and 3 in Indonesian...And it's all because I am so fucked up by being restless on wanting to meet him in person.
Gotta admit, when I began to develop feelings about this guy (oh gawd! not feelings..) I actually said to myself "I'm sooo going to marry this guy". And every single day I did pray to God, that he is the ONE.

Then God showed me some signs, love Him because of that, but concerned at the same time. In a week time after all those foolish yet hope-it-would-come-true wishes, I began to know more about him.
He's got a different belief, and looks like he's a total faith believer, then came the hardest part. That's because I'm soo fucking curious about things. I found out that he doesn't like my species. Yup. That blew the shiiiT out of me. I wasn't thrilled when I found out about it. In fact, my curiosity grew bigger. And that is why, I wrote those darn songs.

Not all the songs are about him. It's about many things. From realizing your boyfriend is gay to starting a beautiful relationship with the person who taught you about love. Aaaaarrrgghhh....What becomes of me????

Basically, I still can't stop thinking about B. I think I might write more songs inspired by him. That's good. At least, I get to do something else than my present job. Totally into writing lyrics and loving it.