Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin...
This is what we usually say after a whole month of fasting and then celebrating the end of it by saying sorry to everyone that we might hurt or accepting apologies to those who'd hurt us. Sometimes, it doesn't really work... Yeah, it doesn't work if we are mad at someone, then say sorry.. Then start hating them again. That totally does NOT work. God is watching, they all say...
Well, this year Lebaran did not take my side, at all. Irregular month of fasting, full of bad and good emotions (but mostly bad) and ending up having a fist before Lebaran. That's just great! And absolutely not proud of it.
Mistakes are made because we're human. When the fasting month arrives, we sometimes say sorry earlier so that people who hate us will try to forgive and make our fasting go smoothly. Yeah, right! Well, now I don't really believe that crap. But I do believe that God is watching us and He totally gives out signs of reminders or warnings. Tots!!
Forgive me God for I am a sinner and am trying to become a better person.. I guess, not really trying hard enough. Search within yourself, they say, while you are fasting, and then you'll meet the Lailatul Qadar, which is some kind of sign from God -feels like the world stops for few seconds and you feel the tranquility surrounding you-.. A very USEFUL sign. It also means you get an A+ on your hard work on fasting (pray, fast, hate free, positive thinking = not me this year! or ever)
Well, who can tell what God really thinks? All I know is that I got a pretty good lesson to learn for this year (and chose to ignore it) and am keeping it all to myself. I don't really want to feel this way again next year, so I'm keeping mum and get on with my life.
Lebaran to me this year felt like any other months.. I do want to try better next time, but I don't want to push it as I don't want to feel like a failure.
Have mercy on me.. I'm just a regular sinner from Earth.
